Kristene and Kuzco
by The Meg-chan
Summary: A parody of the movie, "Kate and Leopold!" Incan times: A selfish Incan Emperor by the name of Kuzco rules, and is forced to choose a bride when he turns 20. 2002: Kristene Wilson gets fired from her job and is struggling in college. What happens when the
1. Part I: The Choosing of a Bride

Kristene & Kuzco A Parody of the movie "Kate and Leopold"  
  
By: Megan Clifton aka JessieofTR  
  
Part I "The Choosing of a Bride"  
  
(Author's Note: Ok, I've been watching "Kate and Leopold" alot, so I decided to do a parody of it. ^^ Don't flame me if it's too parodyish however. ^^ I'm trying to make it slightly different then the movie. But if you've never seen "Kate and Leopold," read it anyway! You'll love it! ^^)  
  
The sun rose high over the mountains of Cusco, Peru. The marketplace was bustling with villagers and the palace glittered beneath the sunlight. Not only was it busy outside the palace, but busy on the inside as well. Today was the emperor's twenteith birthday. That also meant that he had to choose a bride that night....  
  
"The emperor will be in to see you all shortly...." A tall man with a long face and black hair nodded to a row of women, all dressed up in white dresses. This man was Emperor Kuzco's new advisor. His name was Kazkrof. Next to him was a very short man who was busy taking notes in his log. Kuzco had dubbed this guy the "Thing that Wouldn't Shut Up." (I use TTWSU for short.)  
  
A while after, the doors flew open, and Emperor Kuzco, wearing his red robes and sun crown on his head, walked in. "Let's just get this over with alright?" He sighed heavilly and walked up to the women, looking each of them over. "Hmmm.....nope nope nope...double nope...no way....no how...aaaaand that's it!" He turned. "Thank you for your time ladies, but I must be going...I have a birthday to attend to."  
  
The TTWSU stared at this, and headed the emperor off before he could leave. "Sire....you must choose a bride by tonight!"  
  
Kuzco stared. "Who says?"  
  
The TTWSU sighed. "It is tradition, sire....you must be married by your twenteith birthday..."  
  
"Yeah, and what if I dun wanna BE married by my twenteith birthday?" Kuzco mocked him.  
  
"I'm sorry, sire...but you must! Tonight there will be a party and you are to have a bride chosen by then to announce...."  
  
Kuzco stared at him. Tonight? By tonight? How the heck could he choose a bride by that evening? He put on a pitiful pouty face and looked at his advisor, Kazkrof. "Can't you dooooooo soooomething!!?" He whined.  
  
Kazkrof sighed. "Your grace...." he bowed respectifully. "I would like to help you in your time of need, but it is true, sire. You must have a bride by tonight or I'm afraid you will be....removed from your high ranking position..."  
  
"Removed from your high ranking position?" Kuzco stared at him, looking confused.  
  
Kazkrof shook his head. "You won't be emperor anymore, sir..."  
  
"WHAT!? THEY CAN'T DO THAT TO ME! THAT'S EVIL-NESS!!!!!!!!!!!" Kuzco bellowed.  
  
"Can we go now?" One of the girls asked, annoyed. But the three just ignored her.  
  
"I'm sorry, sir....it's the only way....your duty as emperor is to..."  
  
"...marry a bride and produce an heir to the throne...." Kuzco finished for his advisor, rolling his eyes. "I've heard that line about a million times now!!!" He sighed. "Alright, alright......leave me alone, then....I'm going to get ready..." He turned from them and marched out, muttering to himself.  
  
As he was walking out, however, he bumped into someone. "WATCH where YOU'RE going!!!" He spat, but then looked at the man. He was strange looking. His hair was brown...you hardly saw anyone in Peru with brown hair. His cloths were much different as well. Perhaps they indicated he was from a far away country. Kuzco stared at him. The man's expression looked shocked. Kuzco figured it was because of him being an emperor. He just smiled. "Yes yes, my good peasant, you must have never met the great and glorious emperor before, now have you?" He grinned.  
  
The man just stared at him. He opened his mouth, but didn't speak.  
  
Kuzco raised an eyebrow at this. Not speaking to the emperor? This was an outrage! He didn't bow either.....how could anyone be so disrespectful around him? He would simply not allow it! "Well...." He scoffed. "If you aren't going to worship me, get out of my WAY!" He pushed him aside and continued walking.  
  
The man stared after him, and when Kuzco looked over his shoulder, he was still standing there, but this time he was making notes in a journal of some sort. The quill he was using was quite different....not a feather at all. Kuzco stared. Now this was rare. This funny looking peasant knew how to write. He must have been from a far away country. He shrugged, and continued walking.  
  
**************************************************  
  
"Kazkrof...." Kuzco said, sounding depressed as he relaxed in his bathtub and Kazkrof laid out his cloths on his bed. "....why am I unhappy? I should be happy.....I should be filled with joy...I mean why not!? I have everything....I'm emperor....I can do ANYTHING I want...then....if I have all of that....why am I so unhappy?"  
  
Kazkrof looked up at him, as he continued folding his white and yellow robes. "Perhaps it has to do with the choosing of a bride? Having forced to marry so fast can put pressures on a person."  
  
"Maybe...." He sighed heavilly. "...maybe all of my emperor-ness is just catching up with me, ya know? I mean, being emperor is great and all.....but something's always missing. No matter how many THINGS I have...something is always missing from the stack....I dunno...I bet I sound stupid, eh?"  
  
"No no, sire..." Kazkrof smiled at him. "Please, continue...."  
  
Kuzco just raised an eyebrow and sighed. "...I mean...being emperor also has it's downs...like me...actually being FORCED to do something. Hence marry some snobby girl whom I don't know or don't love...."  
  
"Perhaps, sire, if it's any conselation to you, it might not be so bad. You may actually find a pretty girl. One who is charming....different....smart and witty...not afraid to speak her mind. A very independent person....but also dependent. A girl who needs you. The girl that you've been looking for all your life." Kazkrof smiled at him.  
  
Kuzco just stared at him, raising an eyebrow. "You're crazy, Kazkrof......nice and all, but crazy...."  
  
Kazkrof just chuckled.  
  
***********************************  
  
That evening, the party was held in the palace ballroom. Millions of people had shown up from all around to find out who Kuzco had chosen for a bride. The thing was, it was evening, and he still hadn't chosen a bride.  
  
He nervously glanced around the room. He didn't want to choose some snobby girl to marry, and he didn't want to lose his position. He could only think of what would happen to him if he lost his position as emperor. He could see himself...on the streets, begging for food. Like some....peasant! How could he ever go down to such a level?  
  
But if he had to choose a bride.....He couldn't bear to think of some girl always bossing him around and telling him what to do. Not to mention having to bear getting married to her....and probably having to kiss her. And then....having to SLEEP with her!? Some snobby, evil freak girl....  
  
"UGH!!!" The thoughts were unbearable. Kuzco put a hand to his head and tried to clear his mind. Alright, alright, calm down. It might not be so bad...  
  
"Sire...." Kuzco heard a deep, familiar voice behind him, and turned to see his faithful advisor, Kazkrof. "Sire..." He spoke. "Are you alright?"  
  
"Fine, Kazkrof...." Kuzco spat. "Yeah, I'm never better...."  
  
Kazkrof just smiled in an understandable sort of way. "I see that you aren't well...."  
  
"Of course not, Kazkrof!" Kuzco sighed and looked up at him. "Look, I'm sorry....just this whole bridal choosing thing has gotten to me....."  
  
"I understand, sire...." He smiled. "If it makes you feel better, I've taken it upon myself to find a girl you could probably share a dance with..."  
  
Kuzco raised an eyebrow at this, and a young girl behind Kazkrof grabbed his attention. She....was anything BUT pretty. She stumbled alittle as she walked to him, and then bowed, but fell to the floor. Kuzco took the oportunity to look up at Kazkrof, who mearly shrugged. The girl got back to her feet and bowed again, and then spoke. "It..it..it...it's an honor to meet you....yo..yo..your..hi-hi-highness..."  
  
Kuzco nodded. "Yeah...pleasure..." He eyed Kazkrof and then whispered to him. "I think you need to work on your taste, Kazkrof.."  
  
"It's just temporary, sir...just go and have fun and dance!" He smiled, as Kuzco rolled his eyes at him, and went to go dance with the girl.  
  
As Kuzco danced with the young girl, however, he kept seeing that brown- headed, funny-clothed peasant. He was very suspicious, as he looked around the room, making notes in his log and taking out some weird looking device and looking through it. Kuzco couldn't help but watch him. He barely paid any attention to his dance partner. He noticed as the character slipped into the throne room, and he decided to follow him. He wasn't going to let any weird, suspicious looking peasant steal any of his stuff.  
  
"Hold on a sec.." He set, letting go of his partner's hands and walking into the throne room.  
  
The funny looking peasant was examining the throne. He watched as he took out the device again and held it up to his eyes, pushing a button on top. It flashed. Was this some sort of weird magic? Kuzco wondered. He approached him. "Um, excuse me....."  
  
The peasant shot around, looking surprised.  
  
Kuzco just stared at him. "Um...what are you doing? That's MY throne..."  
  
The peasant opened his mouth, but didn't speak. Like he did the last time.  
  
Kuzco rolled his eyes. "You're a very insulting person, you know that? I can have you thrown in jail for what you're doing. Now, answer me, you foolish peasant! What the hell are you doing in MY throne room!!!!?" Kuzco shouted, growing angry that this peasant wasn't speaking to him.  
  
The peasant didn't speak again. Instead he started quickly walking towards the door.  
  
Kuzco stared. This was madness! Now this peasant was running from him!!! "Hold on there! STOP!" He started chasing after him. "Come BACK HERE!!!" He rushed out the door, knocking into several people. "Excuse me..." He said, as he accidently pushed some girl aside and he continued chasing after the funny looking peasant.  
  
They both fled out of the palace. The peasant seemed to be heading towards an alley in the marketplace. He was a pretty fast runner compared to Kuzco but that didn't stop him. He followed him in, and watched as the peasant came to a cliff. What the heck is he DOING!? Kuzco thought.  
  
The peasant slipped on a pair of goggles, and looked like he was going to jump into the water below. Before he did, however, Kuzco caught him, but his foot slipped. Fortunally, he caught the edge of the cliff.  
  
Oh, Inti! I'm gonna die! I'm gonna DIE! Kuzco thought panically.  
  
"Let go!" He heard the peasant shout. Geez, his voice was different too. "Let go! It's alright!"  
  
"Are you MAD!?" Kuzco yelled. "We'll be killed!!!"  
  
"We won't....if you hurry and let GO!" He slapped his hand with the free one.  
  
Kuzco couldn't help it. His hand was slipping. He finally let go and the two of them fell to the water below....... 


	2. Part II: The Emperor of Peru Followed Me...

Kristene & Kuzco A Parody of the movie "Kate and Leopold"  
  
By: Megan Clifton aka JessieofTR  
  
Part II "The Emperor of Peru Followed Me Home"  
  
K ristene Wilson, a young girl with short blonde hair, about twenty years old, was sitting at her computer. She was typing an important document up when suddenly she heard a loud bang upstairs. She lived in an apartment building, and above her lived her boyfriend, Jerry Cage. She stared. Something was up.  
  
The brown haired peasant with the funny looking cloths that Kuzco saw, very well fit into the place he was in now. He lived in the apartment room above Kristene, and his name happened to be Jerry. Kuzco was with him, appearing to be knocked out. He set him on the couch and sighed. Before he got a chance to sit down and relax, his phone rang. "Aww, geez..." He sighed and stood up, answering it. "Hello?"  
  
"Yeah Jerry....Hi...I was just calling to make sure everything was ok..."  
  
"Is that it, Kristene?" Jerry sighed.  
  
"Uh...." Kristene looked around the room. "...no, you still have my CD player and I wanted to take it to the library tommorow and..."  
  
"Kristene, it's one in the morning..."  
  
"And YOU'RE AWAKE! I could hear you upstairs! Now what are you doing?"  
  
"Kristene, please....it's late and I have company over, so if you could just..."  
  
"Company?" She stared. "It's one in the morning and you have company over. Hmm, what COMPANY could that possibly be I wonder...."  
  
"Kristene, it's not what you think, ok? And if it makes you feel any better, it's a guy...."  
  
Kristene raised an eyebrow. "O...k....so you're having a party with one of your friends at one in the morning...O.K.!"  
  
Jerry sighed heavilly, and looked over at Kuzco. He then spoke into the phone. "Listen to me, Kristene....I have found...something BIG!"  
  
"Ooh, big, wow..."  
  
"No, just listen, alright? Listen. I...found a portal....you know that river downtown? Well, there's a portal there. And I found it. A portal that takes you to the Inca times in Peru. We're talking about the 1200's, Kris!"  
  
Kristene rolled her eyes as he continued.  
  
"I jumped into that river and I got to visit the Inca palace. I got to look at the emperor face to face. He even talked to me, Kristene....and I understood him. It's crazy. They speak a totally different language there, but I found as you travel through time, you adapt to that time period..."  
  
"Wooow....that's wonderful, Jerry. Tell me, did you get to visit the Teletubbies too?"  
  
"....that's not funny Kristene..." Jerry sighed, not sounding amused. "But you have to listen. I followed the emperor around and guess what!" He grinned. "The emperor of Peru followed me home..."  
  
"Oh he did, huh? Like a curious little puppy....."  
  
"Yes! An Incan emperor is in my apartment and this very moment! Isn't this exciting!!!?"  
  
"Jerry....you can tell me the freaken truth." Kristene sighed and sat down. "If you picked up a prosititute from downtown Houston, I won't care....because I'm sick and tired of all of your lies."  
  
"Kris, listen - I'm not lying..."  
  
"Sounds like you're lying to me..." She sighed. "Look....I've thought about this and I've decided..." She took in a deep breath. "I'm breaking up with you..."  
  
Jerry stared. "....breaking up with me? JUST because I found a time portal..."  
  
"YOU DIDN'T FIND A FREAKEN TIME PORTAL!" She snapped and then sighed. "Look....I'll call you later, alright...bye...." She quickly hung up the phone.  
  
Jerry just stood there, staring. He rolled his eyes and hung up, turning and staring at the Incan visitor on his couch.  
  
Kristene sighed heavilly as she walked to her room and laid on her bed. Ok...so things were going bad so far. She just broke up with her boyfriend. But then again, she thought, she should have broke up with him before. He was always talking about weird things like that. Time portals and such.  
  
Tommorow will be better....She thought as she slowly closed her eyes. Unfortunally....it wasn't..... 


	3. Part III: Where the Heck am I!?

Kristene & Kuzco A Parody of the movie "Kate and Leopold"  
  
By: Megan Clifton aka JessieofTR  
  
Part III "Where the Heck Am I!?"  
  
T he next morning, the sun shone high in the sky, and Kuzco, who was laying on the couch, slowly opened his eyes. He slowly sat up, at first, unawear of where he was. He was about to get up and go to the dining room, but was shocked to find that he wasn't home in his palace. This area was strange! His eyes widened and his hand accidently rested on Jerry's remote, turning on the television at a very loud volume....  
  
Now wide awake, Kuzco shot up and stumpled over his own feet. Jerry, who had fallen asleep on his other couch, shot straight up at the loud noise. He fumbled to grab the remote and turn off the tv, before trying to help Kuzco to his feet.  
  
Kuzco got to his feet himself, and backed away from Jerry. "Wha....wha....wha...?" He couldn't speak.  
  
"It's ok, it's ok..." Jerry held up his hands. "I know you must be a bit scared, your highness, but I'm here to help you...."  
  
Kuzco eyed him. "I've been kidnapped....this is some strange laboratory and you've KIDNAPPED ME TO DO EXPERIMENTS ON ME, HAVEN'T YOU!!!!!!?"  
  
Jerry sighed and held up his hands again, trying to silence him. "Calm down! Calm down! Look, it's alright. I haven't kidnapped you. You're the one who followed me!"  
  
Kuzco stared. He was right, actually. His memory slowly came back to him and he remembered that this was the strange peasant who was wandering his palace.  
  
Jerry sighed. "I can explain everything. You see, the reason we can understand each other is because the portal somehow allows people to adapt to the time period..."  
  
"What portal!? What the hell are you talking about!!!? WHERE THE HECK AM I!!!!?"  
  
Meanwhile, Kristene was rushing around her house, gathering things she needed for her work/school day and getting dressed. She was brushing her teeth when she heard all the noise coming from her ex-boyfriend's apartment. What is he doing, now? She thought to herself.  
  
Jerry explained everything to Kuzco. About the portal, and how he could understand him. Kuzco seemed to be understanding, but also alittle angry. "So lemme get this straight..." He said, in the calmest voice he could. "I'm....in the future?"  
  
"Yes....the future...and that, outside, is Houston, Texas."  
  
Kuzco nodded. "Yeah....sure.....now I wanna go home...I'm sick of these games..."  
  
Jerry blinked. "I can't...take you home....the portal doesn't open again until next monday..."  
  
"Look...." Kuzco sighed. "I don't care....about your fricken damn portal....alright!? I just wanna go back home to MY palace, MY kingdom, and GET OUT OF THIS SO CALLED FUTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Um....hello?" There was a voice behind them, and Kristene was at the window.  
  
Kuzco stared. "Um....hi..."  
  
"Kristene!!! Go!!!" Jerry glared at her.  
  
"Oh wow....thank you for that LOVELY good morning, Jerry! My EX-boyfriend!" Kristene glared back, and Jerry crossed his arms. She turned to Kuzco and smiled. "And you must be the Arabic emperor..."  
  
Kuzco glared someone. "I'm an INCAN emperor!"  
  
Jerry sighed and walked to the window, closing it, locking it, and closing the curtains. "Hey!" Kristene shouted. "Jerry!!! I want my cd player back! GIMME MY CD PLAYER! Jerry!!!"  
  
Kuzco raised an eyebrow, as Kristene shouted in the background. "Who was that? She was....rude....but I feel like I've seen her somewhere....."  
  
Jerry sighed and rolled his eyes. "That's Kristene Wilson...and you probably haven't seen her anywhere before...she's always like that and there's no one else like her....we just broke up last night.."  
  
"Broke up?"  
  
"It's a term...thing....now listen. Don't answer the door. Not for anyone...not even Kris. I have to make a run to the store to pick up a few things.." He said, grabbing his keys and rushing out the door.  
  
Kuzco was left standing there, blinking. He sighed and sat down. Great...he was stuck in the so-called "future" and was a like a prisoner! He wanted to get back home and go to his palace. But then again...it might be interesting to see how the future turned out....  
  
"JERRY!!!" There was a pounding at the door. "I just want my CD PLAYER!!!" The door began unlocking and Kristene walked in. She stared. "Where's Jerry?"  
  
"He said he had to go to the marketplace...." Kuzco blinked.  
  
Kristene laughed. "Marketplace....yeah, sure....look, can you find my CD player for me? I want it for the library....."  
  
"CD player?" He stared. "I don't even know what a CD player is......and I don't care..." He crossed his arms. "What I WANT to know is where you emperor or king resides."  
  
She raised an eyebrow and shook her head, laughing, while rumishing through Jerry's drawers and stuff. "We have no emperor or king...we have a president who lives in Washington...and enough with the emperor buisness...who are you really? I mean, are you a good friend of Jerry's, a doctor, lawyer...actor? Someone who illigally crossed over the Mexican border? What?"  
  
He sighed. "I'm an emperor....Jerry brought me here from the past...not that I WANT to be here....and where the hell is Washington? I want to go there!"  
  
"Washington is miles away from here...you'd have to fly..."  
  
"Fly!? I don't have wings! I'm being serious!"  
  
Kristene rolled her eyes, as she opened another drawer. "AHA! Found it!" She pulled out her CD player.  
  
Kuzco eyed her. "Also, I must say.....have I seen you before?"  
  
She smiled. "Maybe you've seen my ancestor! You tell me!" She laughed. "De ja vu, hun...that's all I know.." She smiled as she grabbed her purse. "Oh and.....guys don't wear dresses in the future.."  
  
Kuzco stared and looked at his cloths, then glared at her. "THEY'RE ROBES!!!!"  
  
"Alright, Mr. Arabic emperor.." She laughed and walked out the door.  
  
Kuzco glared, and yelled after her. "I'M NOT ARABIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 


End file.
